The Drunken manifesto of the religion of the One True God and his merry alter egos hereby follows. Written down by His true Disciple of Doom; Dalai Lama the Lord of Ultimate Chaos and the Harbinger of Death.

It is said in the Holy Scripture that Jesus came down to earth to bring us good tidings and to wreak havoc upon the wicked. Riding into Moscow in the year 250 000 000 000 BC (before condoms)upon His holy steed, the Waterbuffalo of Most Pugnent Smell, the people rejoiced as they knew that Salvation was upon them all.(Puberty 3:66)

The Lord Jesus then produced the One God from his Satchel of Not So Pugnent Leather Flask and poured Him all over the people. The people having no free will (Saliva 5:899) could then see the One True Light. God Himself in All his Glory came forward. And, behold! He was not in His Normal Hangover Inducing Self Known to the Righteous as Merlot Red Wine, nay, he came in his purest form: The Lord Savior Vodka. The people had not known God, for He had abandoned them to slavery in the backyard of Rudolf the Wicked Santa, and as they consumed His devine Spirit, Jesus said 'Behold, Mine Work is Done'. (Stolichnaya 55:666) He then produced a Rather Long Knife of Righteosness and sliced his Most Holy arteries and joined His celestial Self as Vodka. (Stolichnaya 6666:789654,3)

Since then, only a few Righteous has known the true path to Heaven. And that Path is through seeking the free will of The Lord Himself Now Known as Alcohol. For only by consuming the Sacred Nectar will Thy see the Lord and know free will. Thy shall know this by the Excessive Singing of Karaoke and the miracle of Straight Men on a Dancefloor. (Gays'R'Us 1:1)

We in the Most Sacred Occult Cultness of Cults D.R.U.N.K. has lain down a way for the Common Slave of the Wicked Santa to once more taste Free Will. If Thou Follows, Thou shall be initiated into the Occult and taste True Knowledge. Behold! The Commands of God!(interpreted by His Lordship Dalai Lama the Lord of Ultimate Chaos and the Harbinger of Death)

1: Thou shall drink!
2: Alot!
3: Rememberance is Sin!
4: German and Physical Ed. is Bad for Thee!
5: When Drunk, SING!
6: Or refuse!
7: Seriously, no Pressure!
8: Abstinence is a Grievance in the Eyes of Dalai Lama the Lord of Ultimate Chaos and the Harbinger of Death and thus also our God Alcohol!
9: Gayness is Good in the Eyes of God as this Reduces Children (demons) and is fun to watch! (Gayness is optional)
10: Money tastes like Whisky and Whisky is Good. To some, Money tastes like Strawberry Tequila, and it is Thus Most Righteous!

Obey and be SAVED! May the Lord be With Thee.